First Birthday List

My darling boy turns one this week! He needs and wants for absolutely nothing, but it turns out that generous family members don’t like “If you buy him anything, I’ll cut you” as a response when they inquire about what they can gift him for his birthday.

Since I wasn’t at all thinking about toddlerhood when I made my baby registry, I’m sharing a few things I put on his one-year-old nice-to-haves list in case they might help the real Natalie or any of you pregnant ones. There are no toys or books or clothes because those always seem to be gifted no matter what & he doesn’t need any (do you hear me, family!?! STOP BUYING HIM TOYS. HE LOVES EMPTY TOILET PAPER ROLLS!! I WANT MY HOUSE BACK FROM THE INSANITY!!!)

  • No slip socks. This kid’s got almost three months of walking experience, yet he still prefers to do it without shoes. As it’s getting colder, I want those adorable piggy toes covered up in the house, but he’s more prone to slipping and falling if wearing socks. Enter: socks with grips on the bottom!
  • Foldable learning tower. Hats off to the marketing genius who named this spiffed up step ladder a “learning tower” and made them a Pinterest Mom must-have. Basically it’s a stool with a cage around it that will hopefully help him feel more included in the kitchen/ outdoors/ wherever we’re doing stuff so can’t hold him but would be too dangerous to let him roam free. I used to sit him in his high chair in the middle of the kitchen while making dinner, but he’s recently decided the high chair is lava so hopefully he can grow with this while learning beside me. There are approximately 1,000 learning tower options depending on what features you want and your budget, so I’ll report back on if the brand I linked is great or garbage.
  • A baby sled. This kid would be outdoors 24/7 if we allowed him to be, so I’m kind of terrified for when the temperature drops and there’s snow on the ground for months. 1- I assume a baby (toddler?! gah) in a sled will be adorable and 2- schlepping him around in it will help keep me warm.
  • Diapers. Just because baby is born doesn’t mean people can’t still gift you whatever sized diapers they’re wearing. My son thinks pulling tissue paper out of a bag is the funniest thing that’s ever happened to him, so he won’t mind if it’s boring ol’ diapers underneath.
  • Suction plate & baby forks. My friends with toddlers have had a wide variety of experiences with suction plates and bowls, but serving him food on regular ones would be an absolute fool’s errand at this age. I currently serve all his food on the high chair tray, but does that seem lazy? At some point, should he realize place settings are a thing? He’s currently in the developmental stage of using his fat lil’ arm as a windshield wiper and knocking all available options to the ground when he’s done or feeling cantankerous, so maybe this will help. Oh, and he needs forks because I got a bunch of hand-me-down baby spoons from my cousin and only just realized he should probably be exposed to other utensils.

Next year, we’ll probably ask for experiences like a science center membership, but based on two recent apathetic trips to the zoo, he’s still a little young for those. Because of his obsession with the real lawn mower and watching his dad and any neighbors mow, we’ll probably add a toy lawn mower in the spring when the Easter Bunny comes around. And dude loves to knock over the broom and try to eat the dustpan, so I need to capitalize on this ASAP and get him his own mini version to start helping around the house. Congrats! You’re one! Get to sweeping.

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